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DRAGNET STYLE

Just the FACTS, M’am

Monday 10:05 P.M. – email – Hi Ardell, my name is “Jack”. I just moved here from X and am on a mission to find a house before June when my wife and children join me. I thought I could do this using the internet but I’m finding this more and more difficult as houses I like seem to disappear almost as soon as they hit the market. I just read some of your articles including the one titled Using the internet to buy your new home and you made me realize that I need help. I’m pretty sure I know what I’m looking for and where I want to live. Here goes: Quiet and clean residential neighborhood, good elementary school. Single family house with 3 bedrooms with an additional room for an office. Two car garage. Ramblers are not my first choice. My budget is _ and am pre-qualified with my bank. MLS# 26xx is a good example of a house I like that is currently STI. Is there hope? Can you help me?

Monday 11:15 P.M. – email – Yes “Jack”, I can help you. But right now I am going to sleep. Will set up a strategy for you to be in a home that you like, before your wife and children arrive, in the morning. Best regards, ARDELL DellaLoggia

Tuesday 8:16 A.M. – email – “Jack”, What I would like to do, rather than speaking with you on the phone, is meet you at the STI house you sent me. If they are having any problems with the current buyer, we might be able to do a backup offer. I would also like to see if you really DO like it, by seeing it together. I’m assuming you have never been inside of it. ARDELL

Tuesday 8:32 A.M. – email – I work at _ and usually finish at 5:00. I could meet you at the house around 5:45.

Tuesday 9:09 A.M. – email – Let’s meet tonight at 6 p.m. at xxx Ave. I would like to see this house, and the STI house in the same neighborhood, together this evening…ARDELL

Tuesday 9:28 A.M. – email – OK. See you at 6.

Tuesday 10:15 A.M. – called listing agent of STI house. Buyer and Seller in heated negotiations over inspection issues. Will likely resolve them but seller starting to hate buyer, and so might be amenable to a buyer swiitch out. Long shot but doable. Then called listing agent of the other house I was showing, twice, determined it might sell at the same price as the STI house even though it was priced $25,000 higher. Already had an offer that didn’t end successfully.

Tuesday 6:00 P.M. – Met “Jack” at 6 as planned. Saw both houses. We both hated the STI house that looked great in the internet pictures…BUT was terrible! We both loved the other house. Asked why he hadn’t seen it on the internet. Said price was $25,000 over his max. We all drove back to my house so I could look over the comps while my partner fixed “Jack” some dinner. Told him I couldn’t promise, but I thought it would sell at the same price as the STI house if we could tie it up before the weekend. Talked till after 10:00 P.M. Wrapped it up for the evening at 10:15 P.M. so I could get something to eat besides the cookies I had at the Home Inspection. Always hire a home inspector whose wife bakes cookies.

Wednesday 8:18 A.M. – email – “Jack”, I would like your thoughts in the morning light. Before I talk with the listing agent this morning, your thoughts would be appreciated. ARDELL

Wednesday 8:32 A.M. – Jack called and said he and his wife decided to make an offer..

Wednesday 10:00 A.M. – Found new listing on the same street that came on while we were talking the night before at 8:28 P.M. emailed new listing to Jack.

Wednesday 10:43 A.M. – email – had an excellent conversation with the listing agent and started “pre-negotiating the offer” She is running over to see the new listing too. The new listing has a smaller square footage of just over x squre feet on both the first and second floors, so I don’t think it is a better house for you than the one we we saw last night. Now that I see how much smaller the new listing is, you may not need to see it, but I will see it either before or after my inspection appt. today. I did get a lot of details regarding the offer he did receive and where it soured and ended and what happened. Call you later.

Wednesday 11:41 A.M. – email – It would appear that an earlier closing date, rather than later, would be a plus to keep the price no higher than target price.99% sure we can keep it down to $10,000 over, or even $5,000 over, but smack on target price will be tough, but I think doable.Going in at anything less than target price would result in a higher counter than going in dead on target price. Leave no room for a counter. I will pre-negotiate that we are coming in with “final and best”, but leave $5,000 to $10,000 room, just in case. Offer needs to be written and submitted by 7-8 tonight, response time for seller tomorrow night or Friday night (before the weekend) and a close date of X. Just a few things for you to think about before I call later.

Wednesday 12:14 P.M. –Ran through new listing on the way to my home inspection appointment. No good. First house much better. First house $30,000 more than this one, But I think we can get it for $25,000 less. Called Jack. We agreed to meet to write offer after he got out of work and I finished my home inspection appointment.

Wednesday 4:56 P.M. – email – Just got back from the home inspection and am working on your offer. ARDELL

Wednesday 6:00 P.M.- My partner, Kim Harris, met Jack at new listing just to be sure he hated it as much as I did and also went back to “the” house, while I was putting the finishing touches on the offer, including calling the seller’s agent for a third time in one day to let her know I was faxing the offer by 7:30.

Wednesday 7:00 P.M. – Jack and my partner returned. Jack signed the offer and left so I could prepare the cover note to the contract and fax it. I need to be alone when I write the cover note and call the listing agent.

Wednesday 8:34 P.M. – email – Seller’s agent was very impressed with the simplicity of the offer and the fact that we included the initialed legal description and the signed page 5 of the Form 17 up front. She assured me that there are NO other offers at this time. We should hear something tomorrow, and I will of course call you as soon as I hear something.

Thursday 10:05 A.M. – email – CONGRATULATIONS! RIGHT ON TARGET PRICE! NO COUNTER!!

I sit back with my smoke and wonder if it is pure coincidence that the first email came in Monday at 10:05 P.M. and the final on Thursday at 10:05 A.M. If I were a gambling girl, I might play that 10-05…but I ain’t.

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In David Letterman style, let’s list the top ten things that make a buyer say “let’s get out of here!!”, when I am showing a house. 

NUMBER TEN: DEAD BUGS LYING AROUND!  That being said, I have to admit that not only have I sold properties with dead bugs lying around, I have bought them myself.  Often people will exterminate a home after moving furniture out and then put in new light carpet and put it on the market vacant.  After exterminating a home, dead bugs can appear for weeks afterward, and with no one living in the house, you find the dead spiders lying on the brand new light carpet.  “I said light, bright and airy NOT light, bright and buggy!” 

NUMBER NINE: SKEEVY CREEPIES!  You know, those things that make you just a tad nauseous.  Like when you open the shower curtain and there’s black gunk in the corners of the tub and along the caulk line, or in the grout spaces.  Or that thick, heavy layer of soap scum on the shower door.

NUMBER EIGHT: MAJOR FLOOR SQUEAKS!  I once had a buyer who loved to stand on these and rock back and forth like he was playing an accordian.  If I was in another part of the house talking with his wife, he would rock back and forth until it annoyed us so much we had to acknowledge where the noise was coming from.  These are usually fixable.  If it is squeaking under a rug, there are screws to put in right through the rug to resecure the subfloor to the joist.  The screw has a “break off” head that is removed once the base of it is screwed in.

NUMBER SEVEN: THE NEIGHBOR!  Good luck with that one.  I have found no cures for a neighbor’s dog who barks incessantly.  The neighbor with 8 junk cars parked on his front lawn.  The neighbor who has eight buddies drinking beers out front and lining up the empty bottles on the shared fence.  It’s not a good sign when I’m showing a house and the neighbor is whistling and saying “Hey Baby, Whatcha Doin’?”

NUMBER SIX: PILES OF DIRTY CLOTHES! I saw a really odd one tonight.  The house was completely empty until I got upstairs into one of the bedrooms.  One of the main features on the flyer was “remodeled master bath”.  When I got up to the master bathroom, the new jacuzzi tub was filled with dirty clothes, as was the floor of that bathroom and the closet and the bedroom.  Big piles of dirty clothes and towels.  Pretty weird for a vacant house.  Dirty clothes lying on chairs, on beds, on floors…once someone’s seen your dirty underwear, they don’t seem to be interested in buyng your house.

NUMBER FIVE: BIG DOG BARKING!  You ring the bell and no one answers except the dog.  He’s barking and growling on the other side of the door as if he’s saying “Do you feel lucky today?”

NUMBER FOUR:  DIRTY ROOF!  Huge piles of pine needles all over the roof or big mounds of moss growing on the roof and into the gutters.  Gutters jam full of pine needles.  If you live in one of those great places like Bridle Trails Bellevue with big tall pine trees everywhere, get out the blower and round up those pine needles!

NUMBER THREE:  BUYER STEPPED IN DOG POOP!  I know it’s been winter in Seattle and you haven’t been out in the yard for awhile.  In fact it was raining so much you just opened the back door to let Fido do his business, instead of taking him out for a walk.  And you haven’t wanted to go out in the rain to clean up after him.  But nothing says, I’m not buying this house! like the would be buyer stepping in mounds of dog poop in the yard.  Especially when you made him take his shoes off at the front door so he wouldn’t dirty your carpet, and now he’s got dog poop all over his socks and can’t put his shoes back on.

NUMBER TWO: PICTURES ON THE WALLS  Pictures, Pictures everywhere!  I know it looked great in that Pottery Barn catalogue when they took a whole wall and covered it with all different sized pictures in black frames.  Long ones, tall ones, short ones and wide ones.  Do you know what people see when they look at these pictures?  The holes that will be left in the wall when you take them all with you when you move.

NUMBER ONE: ODORS!  In my experience, this applies to all smells, both good and bad.  If you open the door and there is a strong smell of ANY kind, it is a problem.  That doesn’t just apply to pet odors and smoke or mustiness, but also bleach, pine cleaners, rose and floral scents, carpet fresheners or wall plug in room fresheners.  I can only think of one time in 16 years where I have sold the house, when I had to walk outside to get a gulp of fresh air after viewing each room.  If I feel like I am going to pass out before I make it up the stairs to the second floor,  the buyers and I are usually out of there before making it through the entire house.  Often these homes are vacant, and the owners or listing agents haven’t been inside the house, since they installed  “plug-ins” in every single room outlet, to mask some other foul odors.